Going to Whole Foods...

I don’t know if y’all have watched Master of None on Netflix, but it’s an amazing show, and incredibly relatable to this single gal!  Shame allegations of sexual abuse surfaced involving Aziz, I’m not sure if Netflix is going to continue making the series.

Anyways, I digress.

On the show, the main character at one point is going on many first dates from an online dating app.  One of his dates asks him if he sends the same opening message to all females: “Going to Whole Foods, want me to pick you up anything?”  This, to me, is fucking hilarious!! I 1,000% would respond to a line like this...So, I decided to adopt that as my opening line. And let me tell you...dudes either give super boring responses or don’t respond at all. And the ratio of boring responses to no responses is about 2 : 1,000. (Slight exaggeration, emphasis on ‘slight’).

Uh, yeah...Gluten-free cake pops, please

The only success (?) I had with that line was from a former officer that worked for my agency and was canned previous to my employment here. I didn’t know who he was when he first replied to my Whole Foods question (of which he never answered, by the way...just started in with the boring shit), but two of my colleagues were randomly swapping stories about this particular officer one day when something they said made me think of this lad on the app.  I showed them his pic, and sure as shit it was the ex officer. Knowing this and his reputation with the ladies, I played this up, like any normal chick would do!  However the moment he discovered where I work, dude was gone daddy gone!!




Back to the Whole Foods line, this guy recently popped up on my Tindering with an AH-maz-ING profile bio. Obviously I swiped right...that shit should’ve been meant to be, am I right?  I’m sad to report, however, we didn’t match. So I can’t ask him to pick me up some Gluten-free cake pops. <shrugs>

On to the next.

Lesson for Today:

This one popped up on my Facebook memory the other day.

Yo.  Dudes.  I know I’m a chunky chick, but we don’t need to point this out.  If you’re messaging me, I’m going to assume you’re not judging me based on my size...I make sure there’s some kind of a full body pic in my profile for that reason.

Stop calling girls "big", or "thick", or whatever new term Millennials come up with for the word "fat".

Also, no you damn fool, I’m not judging a connection and definitely not DTF after this tête-à-tête.











P.S. The only person that is allowed to call me "Chunky" is Bruno Mars aka Peter.  If you're not Peter, leave me alone.