The Acquisition of my Boo

The day she came home!

Over the last year, I've had a series of failed situationships.  Since the birth and growth of social media, folks tryna date end up in situationships because relationships no longer exist.  My situationships fail because of the lack of effort and pure laziness exhibited by dudes today is astounding...and ain't nobody got time to deal with that.  Why, if you have the opportunity at finding love, would you not embrace that?  I've tried embracing it time and time again, only to come in Second Place.  My efforts were never reciprocated - I was giving more of my time, be it physical like traveling hours to meet a guy, or mental because whatever dude it was at the time was constantly on my mind tearing me to pieces waiting for him to text or call - and I 100% was not getting any of that back from guys.

My life buddy

My depression hit an all time low.  Loneliness became overwhelming.  I have never felt more alone living in a small community than when I lived on my own, overseas in non-English speaking countries.  My value to this world diminished to dust and I basically became a shell of a person.  I reached a point where I actually scared myself and didn't trust myself to be alone for too long.  The darkness was overwhelming...and it was DARK.  I reached out to a few friends, one who consistently talked me down from the edge.  Working in Law Enforcement in a small town, the officers and responders are my friends. So between my friend talking me off the cliff and my empathy for not wanting my LEO friends to find me, knowing that would stick with them for the rest of their lives, I slowly, very slowly dug my way back out of the dark.

Loneliness is stifling.  The way people treat each other is heartbreaking.  The way I've been treated, being put second, is fucking painful.

She hates selfies. I. Don't. Care.

I finally decided I needed something in my life to get me out of the darkness.  I needed something to occupy my thoughts.  I needed a puppy.  Enter Marley Blue.  Right after I made arrangements to get her, I met Tinderfella.  He lives in my small town and was interested!  Really interested.  So we went on a date and it was an amazing date!  He kept saying he wanted to meet up again and I really wanted to, too.  I nearly decided against getting Marley because of this guy...what if we were going to be spending all of this time together?  I wouldn't have time to train a puppy, or I'd have to kennel her more than I'd want to!  Thank the LAWD I didn't let this guy deter me from adopting my hound.

Kilroy Mars

One date turned into NO more dates, although he constantly claimed he wanted to see me again.  We actually had a second date lined up...unbeknownst to me, it was just a booty call.  (We met on Tinder, so why should I be surprised <insert eye roll here>).  Dude text me when he finished work, to which I assumed he'd run home, change, then meet me for dinner and conversation.  The minutes passed by, which turned to hours passing by.  When I asked him when he was coming over, he said he wasn't sure, he was bowling and drinking with his buddies - something he forgot to mention when we made our plans - but he'd stop by afterwards.  Bitch, no.  It was rolling up on 9pm and I'm an old lady who works at 6:30am.  When I pointed this out to him, he was fine to reschedule.  We. Never. Did.  After realizing my value to him after a few weeks of empty "I really want to see you again" texts, I was back on the Tinders.  When Dude realized I was back on the Tinders (because he was using the app, too), he deleted and blocked me and I haven't heard from him since.  I was like: Bitch, you're obviously back on the app too, you've added pics and changed your profile, so you have NO room to judge me.  Bye Felicia.

Hiking in Irish Canyon

To be honest, I don't know where all of this confidence has come from, but I finally realized I have a shit ton of value and can offer SO much love and respect in an EQUAL relationship (that's right: relationship.  Not sitationship).  I'm not one of those needy, "save me" bitches.  I saved myself a long time ago.  I'm independent AF, traversed the world on my own and I deserve the world.  I finally decided to make a rule: Until I know how much effort a guy is willing to put into me, by coming to visit me in dinky ass small town Colorado, I'm through investing my emotions in them if they're not doing the same for me.

She's spoiled

My emotions are now invested in Marley Blue - which is usually annoyance because she's like a toddler.  But, she loves me unconditionally and is happy to see me everyday, and vice versa!  She literally saved me from the precipice of the black hole I was edging closer to.  She's helping me keep my walls down far enough that when some dude is worth my time, I won't be closed off enough to let him in.  And if he doesn't adore my dog, I'm out!

HRH Marley BlueBoo Bear

On a final note, if you ever get so low, you're in a dark place and don't feel a way out, get help.  Talk to someone.  It's okay to ask for help.  Specifically for First Responders, here is a resource.

Aaaad, today's tune for good measure!